Franco in the Amazon Part 1.

After getting confused by foreign titles and a bunch of Jess Franco cannibal films that all seemed to have happened around the same time (I know he probably did them all back to back) we pulled out a bunch of these and watched them again.
This is not a film review, just trying to get a clue what the fuck was going on.
CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Devil Hunter (1980) AKA El Cannibal
Directed by Jesus Franco
Starts: Al Cliver,  Ursulla Buchfellner

So what is going on in devil hunter you ask?  Well turns out Al Cliver (Again, See below) and his mate are ex Vietnam veterans now mercenaries and they get hired to get rescue the girl in the other film.  Ohh wait no that’s wrong.  OK a group of film makers including their lead actress are in the Amazon (maybe) scouting for locations for their next film.  A group of chancers kidnap the lead actress and intend to hold her for a ransom from the film producers.   Unbeknownst (yeah a word) to them they stupidly decided to hide out on some cannibal island  where blind bulging eyed Marty Feldman look alike cannibal /devil, happens to be chief cannibal or something.  Here comes our hero Al Cliver, taking forever to land a helicopter on the island beach (come to cannibal island we have sun sand, and ohh wait why the feck are you eating my intestines, a fun experience for the whole family) and rescue the location scouting actress.  He is meant to get her and get out with the ransom money too, double crossing the kidnappers and that just kicks up a whole fracas (yeah you heard it here) of bullshit, bad guys get shot, cannibals swim to the boat to get the money or kill the girl, i’m not even quite sure how he got there.  Cliver and the lead bad guy run around for looks like about 6 days (though the cannibal devil knows all the short cuts by the look if it).   Finally they fight it out, while the cannibal devil is watching, though he is blind, guess he has good sense of smell, and a  good swimmer too that boat had to be 200 yards out.  Anyway  Cliver and the cannibal devil fight it out in great Bruce Lee kung Fu style on top of a rock action sequence,   And well not long after that the film ends.

Wow what the fuck.   Ok So there are i’m pretty sure other cannibals on this island not just the devil of the title.  But it mostly consists of the 4 or so naked women dancing around voodoo style (probably not anthropologically (?) correct) to raise up the cannibal devil who by the looks of it sleeps in the bottom of that terribly anthropologically  inaccurate (we are pretty sure) totem pole.  The lead cannibal girl, thankfully brushes her hair out and it’s all nice and volumey, each time she comes out to do her voodoo priestess dance.  The other cannibals amount to well maybe 10 (sounds like a zombie film I know) but I don’t recall do they actually eat anybody or do they just dance around, shit did i fall asleep again?    The music sounds to me like most of it is from Oasis of The Zombies so this is like cannibals with the same zombie soundtrack but less desert, and less flaky face zombies, but one devil with plasticine on his eyes.  The make up is terrible, but some of the shots as long as they are not in close up on that make up, are nice and eerie.    What else happens?  Well Ursulla is naked for the most part similar to White Cannibal Queen below, but we know she didn’t go through a time warp.  Al Cliver does a perfect impression of batman (TV Show Batman) climbing up the side of a rock face, looks like the camera fell over, they went “oh shit that works, lets shoot it from here” (sounds like another film director I know), great stuff.

Now if you have survived this far in to the cinema of Jess Franco or certainly have survived this far into my reviews of Jess Franco films, you’ll know I will watch all of it!  And some I like, some I love, and some I lurvvveee.  This one I like it, but in the scheme of all things Franco, you really cannot, I believe, compare it to likes and dislikes in other cinema, you compare it to other Franco films.  And you either watch them coz you’re a Franco Lover (possibly read as moron says the missus) like me, or you watch them because you thought it was something else. lol.  We like this one, it’s like cannibal light, like Oasis is Zombie light, ten zombies/cannibals dollar store make up and you’re good to go.   It’s better than White Cannibal Queen (see Below), but it aint Vampyros Lesbos (early lurveee) or even the later Mari Cookie (later lurveee)  but you really cannot compare it to “normal” cinema. Watch it take a chance, or eh don’t.  But one things is for sure you cannot predict every single moment of it like 80% of the made for 13 Year Olds, shite that the corporations in Hollyweird put out every year, and that to us is worth more than an arm full of well, something that you would fill your arms up with.

 

White Cannibal Queen (1980) AKA Mondo Cannibale
Directed: by Jesus Franco
Stars: Al Cliver, Candy Coster (Lina Romay), Sabrina Siani

So in White Cannibal Queen (1980),  Al Cliver and his wife and daughter (10 yo, important later, trust me)  are on some boat in some river on some expedition and cannibals attack the boat, the wife gets eaten, Cliver gets kidnapped by cannibals and has his arm cut off.   Just as he is about to be made in to young (read as beardless) Cliver  chowder, the cannibal king see’s his ten your old daughter floating unconscious in the river (well lying at the side really with her head on a rock keeping her hair dry) all of a sudden the cannibal king starts shouting “white goddess white goddess” at which point Cliver sees the cannibal raise his daughter up in the air, and decides this is the perfect chance to bugger off and leave her behind saving his own ass, how’s that for parental guidance?

After some time in the nut house, Cliver with the help of his nurse Candy Coster (no blonde wig this time so is it really her or is it Just Lina Romay? hmmm i wonder)  remembers all that happened and gets  some rich fuckwits  to  finance a rescue mission (same ones that financed the first one, great success that was ) into the same cannibal possibly Amazon jungle to rescue his  daughter.

So they all bugger off back to the jungle to rescue his daughter, with his new crew and his nurse Candy Coster from the nut house in tow.  They get to the Amazon and lo and fucking behold his daughter is now 18 and naked and married to the cannibal king, She is white goddess princess oogaboobies or ubangi’s or magumbe or something like that.  Anyway they decide to rescue her, half the crew gets killed, then Candy, Cliver and one other assistant get, yep you guessed it invited to dinner.   The two guys get tied up to a palm tree (in the Amazon?  i dunno though i’m not a fucking treeologist)  and Candy Coster gets eaten, no not in the way we would normally expect Candy Coster to be eaten, but in like a cannibal type way.   Then for some strange reason Princess white goddess, that daughter your following this right, decides to free the men in the middle of a Jess Franco day for night shoot.  They escape but The kings son (ohh king is dead by now i fell asleep about that bit, “look after my son” blah blah blah) chases after and spouts some shite about if any man wants to leave with one of our women we have  a fair Marquis of Queensberry rules style fight and he who wins gets the girl.  Anyway turns out the tricky fucker pulls out a knife, the assistant gets killed, but one armed older (read as bearded) Cliver gets the better of him, thankfully not using is high class kung fu skills from  “The Devil Hunter”(1980).  He and his daughter walk off into the turning down of a cameras iris.

Well that was something, there were a shit ton more cannibals in this one than in devil hunter.  Well Devil Hunter had about 15, this one has about 40 so that is something.  I’m pretty sure a prop from outside the bar where Cliver tries to Recruit Jess Franco to take them into the jungle, made it into the village of the cannibals, but thankfully no terrible totem pole like in devil hunter.   A little bit gorier than i expected though it looks like the same gory footage was used for the mother and Candy’s death scene.  Not the worst I’ve seen thats for sure, line up a double or triple bill of this stuff, have some friends and some beers over (I watched by myself obviously, with no beer lol) and have a laughing good time.  Hey guys wanna come over for a laughing good cannibal movie night where some guys daughter goes through a time machine and turns up topless 10 minutes later in the movie, sure what could go wrong.  Enter at your own peril.

Off now for Golden Temple Amazons & Diamonds of Kilimanjaro (definitely not Amazonia, but who knows where these bloody things were filmed)

©  2/11/2018 Copyright Owned Giovanni Pistachio, Pistachioville.

WARNING TRAILERS MAY INCLUDE NUDITY OR CANNIBAL RELATED LUNCH.

Devil Hunter Trailer  (1980)

 

White Cannibal Queen Trailer (1980)

Awesome Franco top 12 films from rarecultcinema on youtube.